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Navy Seals Storm Jersey Shore Compound in Italy

Florence, IT  |  A team of U.S. Navy elite special forces penetrated Italian air space by helicopter early Thursday morning, conducting a deadly raid to eliminate a group of conspirators long-considered a disgrace to America's image and an abomination to humanity.

Four males and four females were killed in the attack. Details of the assault are still sketchy, but all eight targets were described as intoxicated and belligerent. They were uncooperative and refused to surrender, with most of the men trying to use the women as shields.

According to reports, some lighting and sound technicians were also present but did not sustain serious injuries. No American military personnel were harmed.

Italy was not informed in advance of the operation, but several government officials expressed their gratitude to the United States for removing this evil. Residents of the neighborhood in which the compound was located said they noticed abnormal activity around the structure, but had no idea who was living within its walls.

Though considered a strategic victory in the larger war against fabricated "reality television" programming, it is debatable whether this will result in an end to the insidious menace that has plagued the U.S. and dozens of other countries for more than a decade. As one intelligence source warned, "This is a good day for America but we have a long way to go before we can say we've won."

All original content on The Specious Report © Dale McFarland  Political Satire  Redistribution limited to excerpts for non-commercial use only.