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Bin Laden's Body Rejected by Irate Ocean

The vast expanse of water covering two-thirds of the earth's surface has condemned a U.S. decision to have Osama bin Laden's body buried at sea. The Ocean expressed its objections in a statement released Monday morning.

"It's bad enough legions of aquatic creatures think this is their private toilet," the Ocean alleged. "Not to mention untold tons of sewage you land-walkers spew forth each day. Enough is enough. As one of your famous poets once wrote: 'There is some shit I will not eat.'"

Bin Laden's remains were committed to the deep within 24 hours of his death, as dictated by Islamic religious custom. The decision was made after his carcass was refused by Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, and the compost heap at Guantanamo.

There is, however, some confusion regarding exactly when and how the disinterment will take place. Neptune, ancient god of the sea and self-professed gay necrophiliac, said of the terrorist's bloated corpse, "Hey, you can have it back when I'm finished with it."

Related Stories:
God Makes His Position Clear to Osama bin Laden
Bin Laden Nudes Are Fake, Swiss Lab Says

All original content on The Specious Report © Dale McFarland  Political Satire  Redistribution limited to excerpts for non-commercial use only.