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President Bush Phones to Congratulate US Airways Pilot Chesley Sullenberger
[On Friday, January 16, 2008, the most incompetent man in the country placed a phone call to congratulate the most competent man in the country. This is a transcript of that historic conversation.]
Captain Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger: Hello?
President George W. Bush: Hey, Cap'n. This is Prezdent Bush. Say, you mind if I call you Cheeseburger? I have trouble with long words.
Sullenberger: I don't mind, Mr. President.
Bush: Say, you know what, we have a lot in common. I flew a jet once or twice too.
Sullenberger: Yes sir.
Bush: Oh man, there's no better feelin' than sittin' in the cockpit after you get a good buzz on. Am I right?
Sullenberger: I wouldn't know, sir.
Bush: I'd say bein' a President is a lot like bein' a pilot. Once you get up there, you can just relax and doodle on your Etch-a-Sketch or something.
Sullenberger: Sir?
Bush: On the other hand, there's no worse feeling than when the poop hits the fan and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. That's happened to me more times than I can remember. Ya just sit there and hope ya get lucky. Know what I mean?
Sullenberger: Well, actually sir, with so many people's lives in the balance, I'd hope I could rely on my training, experience and common sense.
Bush: And dumb luck, right? Heh-heh, heh-heh.
Sullenberger: Well, luck is certainly welcome, sir. But in a critical situation, I just need to keep a clear mind and think fast.
Bush: But, you let your co-pilot handle the big decisions, right?
Sullenberger: No sir.
[pause]
Bush: How about all the other people you put in charge of important stuff?
Sullenberger: Sir?
Bush: You just pick people who helped funnel a lot of money to your campaign, right?
Sullenberger: My campaign, sir?
Bush: Or maybe just folks who agree with your way of thinking?
Sullenberger: To the best of my knowledge, sir, everyone is there because they'll do an outstanding job.
Bush: And they let ya win at golf? Heh-heh, heh-heh.
[long pause]
Bush: But look, when you left, everything was all screwed up and the whole mess was sinkin' fast, right?
Sullenberger: Yes sir, that's true.
Bush: Well, at least we have that much in common.
Sullenberger: I guess so, Mr. President.
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