China's General Secretary Replaced by More Photogenic Stand-In Beijing, CN  |  The Communist Party of China today introduced the man who will stand in for General Secretary Hu Jintao at all future public appearances. The less-attractive elder statesman will be replaced by 24-year-old prefessional underwear model Zheng Li Luo. A statement from the National People's Congress explained the substitution is in the best national interest of China: "We must put the country first and project the right image. Our ruthless totalitarian dictators must appear to be flawless." The decision came after the General Secretary was described as "a little too chubby, and his teeth are too crooked... he's just not cute enough to put in front of the cameras" by several Western broadcasters covering the Beijing Olympics. While the proxy's official duties will be limited mainly to media functions, Hu will continue overseeing the day-to-day responsibilities of perpetuating governmental and corporate corruption and suppressing free speech and political dissent.		Top Sites: HumorFeed Chortler About.com I Love Bacon Mad Kane Studio 8 Ironic Times Jon Stewart Mark Fiore More linkage >>
All original content on The Specious Report © Dale McFarland    Redistribution limited to excerpts for non-commercial use only.