WHEN FURNITURE ATTACKS
March 8, 2005
Ferrante Mauled by Steinway; Teicher: 'Don't Blame the Piano'
Las Vegas, NV | A city is in shock and Arthur Ferrante, of Ferrante & Teicher, is recovering after a vicious attack last night by his eight-foot 
Steinway grand.
Ferrante was no match for the 1,000-pound piano, which "tossed him around like a rag doll" leaving him with multiple fractures and bruises.
Partner Louis Teicher said the attack was provoked by an "over-friendly big-haired woman" in the front row.
"One of the ladies at ringside acted like she was going to tinkle the keys," Teicher explained. "Ferrante stepped forward to stop her, but stumbled against the piano stool and fell. The Steinway became disoriented and grabbed Ferrante by the neck and shoulder, dragging him offstage."
This attack vividly illustrates the inherent danger of these massive instruments, which musicology professor Al "Cleanhead" Fortissimo complains are too easily purchased on the open market.
"People think it might be fun to own one, bring it into their home, even encourage their children to play with it," warns Fortissimo. "But unless you're a trained professional, you're just courting disaster."
Although only one Steinway was involved in the incident, every grand piano at the Mirage Hotel has been quarantined indefinitely.
