 |
|
|
|
ANY CHANCE OF A RECOUNT?
January 31, 2005
Iraqis Vote to Keep Blowing the Holy Crap Out of Each Other
Baghdad, IQ | Despite complicated ballots and logistical difficulties, voters in Iraq have passed a national referendum to just keep killing everybody by an overwhelming margin.
Voter turnout in the more violent regions of the country was much higher than predicted, leading many political analysts to blow each other up immediately. But the outcome came as no surprise to exit pollers, who began murdering each other as early as 10:00 a.m.
The referendum is expected to be the cornerstone of Iraq's permanent constitution.
Baghdad newspapers today published official recommendations of who should be blown up. The list includes Iraqis, foreigners, Muslims, non-Muslims, men, women, children, anyone who disagrees with you, anyone who looks at you funny, anyone who doesn't have their shirt tail tucked in, anyone eating a banana, anyone reading this list, and anyone who isn't killing other people fast enough.
"We earned capital in this election, political capital, and now we intend to spend it," said Mufti Hamji al Yafdi, one of some 7,500 candidates on the ballot.
"We know our young democracy has a long way to go, compared with the United States," Yafdi admitted. "They've had generations to kill each other with automobiles, hand guns, junk food, air and water pollution, cigarettes, drugs and alcohol. But this referendum is definitely a step in the right direction, Allah willing. Now please excuse me, my friends and I must go blow each other up."
|
|
|
|
Top Sites:
HumorFeed
Joke A Day
Chortler
Broken Newz
About.com
I Love Bacon
Mad Kane
Studio 8
Ironic Times
Jon Stewart
Mark Fiore
More linkage >>
|
|
Redistribution limited to excerpts for non-commercial use only.