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2004 Presidential Election Satire

HATE IS LOVE
September 1, 2004

Phrase Guide for the Republican National Convention

New York City, NY  |  The George Orwell Institute has issued an update to their Newspeak Guide to accompany the GOP mini-series.

Here is a sampling of words and phrases from the Orwell Guide which might cause the most confusion during the political infomercial.

Big Tent: To give the outward appearance of embracing moderate viewpoints; something that is easily folded up and carted away during the night. [See also "Tolerance"]

Catastrophic Success: What happens when a dog chases a car, but has no plan for after he catches it.

Compassionate Conservative: Go fuck yourself.

Economic Recovery: The hope that people who can't afford medical insurance will die before they begin to draw Social Security.

Flip-Flop: Something your opponent does frequently that you hope everyone will remember; something you do frequently that you hope no one will remember.

Free Speech Zone: Go fuck yourself.

No Child Left Behind: A phrase that has no real meaning, used as a diversion or to fill dead air. [Synonyms: uh, er, um, duh]

Speaking Points: [See "True Lies"]

Special Interest Groups: Patriotic, selfless, generous Americans who only have the best interests of the country at heart. [This definition sponsored by Haliburton, Viacom and Wal-Mart.]

Tolerance: Go fuck yourself.

True Lies: Repeating disinformation so much, it drowns out the truth; also, a movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Uniter: Divider.

Vietnam Veterans: You didn't join them, but you want them to join you.

War on Terror: The only thing we have is fear itself.