LIGHTS, CAMERAS, ACTION!
May 4, 2004
E.U. Expands, Corners World Porn Market
Dublin, IE | With the U.S. adult film industry paralyzed by an HIV epidemic, the European Union has acted swiftly, annexing ten erotica-rich countries.
Acting E.U. President Larry O'Flynnt boasted, "Sweden, Denmark, Holland and France were a powerhouse combination. But the addition of the majority of Eastern Europe now makes the E.U. unstoppable."
Joining the E.U. are Cyprus, the Czech Republic, Estonia, Hungary, Latvia, Lithuania, Malta, Poland, Slovakia and Slovenia, bringing the porn coalition total to 25 countries.
This leaves only Romania and Bulgaria holding firm as independent producers.
When asked if the U.S. AIDS shut-down might be God's way of punishing smut peddlers, O'Flynnt responded, "No, I think it's His way of saying American porn is just plain crap."
Most Hollywood male adult stars have been able to find temporary work, already having practical experience as pizza delivery men, pool boys, and chauffeurs.
But actresses have not had the same good fortune, due to limited demand for platinum blondes with gigantic fake boobs and no pubic hair.
Meanwhile, Eastern Europe is bracing for shortages of peroxide, silicon and vaginal shaving cream.
