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NEWS LEAK
April 20, 2004
Clinton's Penis to Testify Before 9/11 Commission
Washington DC | Former President Bill Clinton's Penis has accepted a standing request to come before the National Commission on Terrorist Attacks later this week.
According to Commission Chairman Thomas Kean, a lot is riding on the Penis.
"We've been anxious to get in touch with the Penis. How much did the Penis know? When did it know? We need to take a long, hard look."
Despite it's celebrity status, no one expects the Penis to be handled with kid gloves. "We don't want the Penis to feel pressured, but we'll come down hard if necessary," Kean insisted.
The Fox Network had offered to broadcast the oral exchange. However, it was decided the session would be held in private at an undisclosed Motel 6.
"We don't want a media orgy," explained Kean.
Commission Vice Chairman Lee Hamilton expressed surprise at the decision, saying this event is reminiscent of simpler times before September 11, 2001. "America's preoccupation with Clinton's Penis distracted us from real problems for eight years. I'd think the Bush administration would welcome a little distraction at this point."
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