TIME FLYS WHETHER OR NOT YOU'RE HAVING FUN
January 1, 2004
2004: The Year in Review
00:00 a.m. | Feliz Año Nuevo festivities on Telemundo reach peak frenzy. I can't speak a word of Spanish but, damn, those Latina women sure know how to dress! Odalys Garcia gets my vote for Best Cleavage of 2004.
00:27 a.m. | Eating microwaved black-eyed peas for good luck. Even though I did this last year to no avail, why tempt fate?
01:05 a.m. | Put in ear plugs, to filter out ongoing celebratory gunfire, and hop into bed. Sheesh, you'd think you were living in downtown Islamabad.
09:45 a.m. | Having my morning coffee. (...and a smoke. So much for my first resolution.) Turn on the TV to watch the Rose Bowl parade. Why the hell is the channel set to Telemundo??
10:27 a.m. | Glazed donut number three is history. (So much for my second resolution.) That was the last one left in the box. I could probably walk the quarter-mile to the donut shop, but to hell with it. (So much for my third resolution.)
10:33 a.m. | The parade is excruciatingly dull without donuts. Why is it on every channel? Maybe this year I'll get cable.
10:43 a.m. | Take First Dump of 2004 (damn under-cooked black-eyed peas) and head for the computer.
10:49 a.m. | Deletion of 150 spam emails is complete.
10:56 a.m. | Upload today's blog entry. Surf for porn and masturbate into a dixie cup. (There goes resolution number four.) Time for a nap.
