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Bush, Rumsfeld Vow to Say 'Whatever It Takes'

Crawford, TX  |  Back home from his tour of governmental facilities and five-star hotels in Africa, President Bush says he has a renewed appreciation for the good ole USA.

After a week of uncomfortable exposure to foreign reporters, Bush said he was eager to resume Washington's highly orchestrated press conferences where only pre-approved questions are allowed.

Regarding his future plans, the President promised to increase the level of double-talk and misinformation in his fundraising speeches as he campaigns across the Nation.

"No matter how much the economy deteriorates, no matter how deep the deficit gets, no matter how badly this administration mishandles foreign policy, I promise you this: I'm going to say whatever it takes to get re-elected," Bush vowed.

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld pledged to do his part by using an even more condescending tone to respond to inquiries about the war with Iraq, hinting that he would hone his sarcasm skills so reporters would appear even more ridiculous.

Both Bush and Rumsfeld gave further reassurance that none of their convoluted responses would ever actually provide any truthful or relevant information.

Sources at the White House indicated this policy would remain in effect right up to the inevitable 2004 election debates, during which both candidates are expected to say absolutely nothing at all.

All original content on The Specious Report © Dale McFarland  Political Satire  Redistribution limited to excerpts for non-commercial use only.