Tattoo Doesn't Have Sex,
Isn't Getting Married
Los Angeles, CA | Recent bizarre publicity about Russian pop performers Julia Volkova and Lena Katina has raised eyebrows and resulted in confusion between fact and fiction.
Speaking through his psychic medium, a frustrated Herve Villechaize says he wants to set the record straight.
"I don't care what these girls say they are. I am the real Tattoo," insisted Villechaize, who portrayed the beloved character on the "Fantasy Island" television series for 12 seasons. "It doesn't matter how they spell it. I'm Tattoo, dammit! And what's with the weird capital letters and periods... no really, what's the deal with that?"
Volkova and Katina, who perform under the name t.A.T.u., have received considerable notoriety from published stories about having sex with each other up to three times a day, and having group sex with their female fans. It was also reported that they plan to get married.
"I don't have sex," laments Villechaize. "I haven't gotten any action at all since I died. Occasionally I play checkers with Billy Barty. But that's about as exciting as it gets around here."
Villechaize, who has what some might call a unique perspective on fame and fortune, did offer some professional advice to the pretend-lesbian duo.
"They should enjoy it while they can. I predict they'll last about as long as The Spice Girls. Believe me, when I make a prediction, you better pay attention. And, by the way. Tell that 'Mini Me' guy to start a savings account too."
