THE BARE FACTS
January 2003
Streaking Climbs to Highest Level
since 1973
Washington, DC | It's a disturbing trend, but one that seems to be on the rise. Evidence suggests "streaking" (running naked in public) is experiencing an unwelcome Renaissance.
Noted historian and sociologist Dr. Schneller Blick says it may be approaching epidemic proportions. "It's like polio. Just when we thought it had been wiped from the face of the Earth, it makes a comeback."
But unlike polio, there is no known vaccine for streaking.
I wish I could says it's just a bunch of senile old hippies who forgot to put their pants on before going for a jog," Dr. Blick reports. "But I fear it's much more insidious, and seems to be affecting all age groups."
Since the start of the decade, known incidents have increased a startling 800% per year. The number this month alone is already ten-fold what it was this time last year. "I'm not looking forward to Summer," warns Dr. Blick. "Our resources could be stretched to the limit."
Perhaps streaking's most infamous moment was at the 1973 Academy Awards, when British film actor David Niven ran naked across the stage to protest the war in Vietnam. After that incident, which was broadcast live worldwide, Niven would never again be able to find work. "It was a sad end to an otherwise respectable career," recalls Dr. Blick.
The gender ratio has remained consistent over the years, with men making up about 95% of the cases. Researchers are unsure exactly why most women seem immune, but Dr. Blick claims it is simple genetics. "Female physiology seems dominated by the chromosome for flashing their bazongas."
