Desperate Houseflies Top Sites: HumorFeed About.com I Love Bacon Mad Kane Studio 8 Ironic Times Jon Stewart Mark Fiore More linkage >> More Stuff: netbook Ad information >>		Big Tobacco Sues Non-Smokers for Not Smoking Winston-Salem, NC  |  Under a little-known section of NAFTA (the North American Free Trade Agreement), major cigarette manufacturers have initiated a class action against every non-smoker in Canada, the United States and Mexico. In addition, the suit will seek unspecified damages from every Federal, State and local government which has a non-smoking ordinance. A lawyer on retainer from both NAFTA and the Tobacco Industry declared, "The NAFTA agreement specifically forbids any action which 'might expropriate a corporation's ability to profit.' By not smoking, these people have caused cigarette makers to lose trillions in sales, and it is simply not good for business." This refers to the same quirky rule, known as "Chapter 11", which last year allowed waste-dump manager Metalclad to successfully sue Mexico for not being polluted enough. After agreeing to arbitrate the tobacco case, the NAFTA judiciary tribunal agreed to hear a North Dakota bank robber suing BancCanadienne for "hindering international commerce" by pressing the alarm button. Following their closed-door meeting, the NAFTA circle-jerk of lawyers adjourned, all took a half turn, jumped up each other's ass, and disappeared until the next meeting scheduled for March.
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