Randall Simon:
"Must Kick Big Food Ass
Milwaukee, WI | Although many have made light of the recent incident between a Pittsburgh Pirate and a giant wiener, experts say this is evidence of a deeper, more serious medical condition.
Gargantuan Nutriment Dysfunction, or GND, is an irrational fear or hatred of larger-than-life food. An estimated 750,000 people suffer from this disease in the United States.
The root causes of GND can vary widely. In Randall Simon's case, the phobia may be traced to a childhood incident in Curacao when the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile accidentally ran over his dog.
His symptoms first surfaced in college where, as an initiation prank, Simon was made to box a giant cornstalk and bit off an ear. But at that time, GND was not yet an identifiable illness.
Despite the fact that most psychologists agree GND is a growing problem, mainstream research for treatment has been poorly funded. But, possibly to avoid future litigation, many fast food chains have stopped super-sizing their menu items.
