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Top Ten Reasons David Letterman Shouldn't Take an Extended Vacation
New York City, NY | The workaholic host of CBS's Late Show with David Letterman has been taking the occasional day off this summer. But plans for a longer break to "stop and smell the roses" are still a possibility.
Could America tolerate an indeterminate number of repeats and temporary replacements? Here are the Top Ten reasons why an extended leave-of-absence would be totally unacceptable:
10. One of his cuts, fractures or rashes might have to be treated at a real medical facility instead of onstage.
9. "Hi Bob. Hi Stan. How's the go going?" Yeah, you just can't hear that too many times.
8. Seeing Tom Arnold host again would result in senseless attacks on television screens across the Nation.
7. New Clinton jokes are so much funnier than old Clinton jokes.
6. Now that all the great jazz legends are finally dead, there's no danger of ever hearing that boring crap on The Late Show.
5. A sincere remark might actually come out of Paul Shaffer's mouth, and it wouldn't be recorded for posterity.
4. His consistent effort to appeal to the lowest common denominator with cheap-shot humor and juvenile sexual innuendo... no, wait. That's Leno.
3. My "Will It Float Girls Highlight Video" isn't nearly long enough.
2. There's absolutely no suspense in "Psychic Sandwich" re-runs.
And the number one reason David Letterman shouldn't take an extended vacation:
1. Huh? You mean he hasn't been on vacation?
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