The Iraqi Information Minister's Last Press Release
April 10, 2003
Good morning, everyone.
Today I am pleased to announce the total victory of Saddam Hussein's great forces over the infidel mercenary cowards. The battle was very fierce and Allah has blessed us.
Our glorious leader Saddam has decreed a nationwide celebration for his people. Shops, banks, hospitals and museums are hereby directed to distribute gifts to all citizens of Iraq free of charge. We encourage them to bring wheelbarrows and carts and carry away as many items as they can.
In addition, we have conscripted many thousands of the captured enemy crusaders and will force them to rebuild whatever destruction they have caused to our infrastructure with their mischief.
We insist they pay particular attention to maintaining our oil fields.
To atone for their sins, W. Bush and his international criminal gang of bastards are hereby directed to infuse billions of American dollars into the Iraqi economy. Their first act of contrition shall be to temporarily remove every statue of our beloved leader for a good cleaning, and to repair some minor smoke damage.
And finally, I am pleased to announce that Saddam, his family, and the heroes of the Arab Socialist Baath Party are now taking a well-earned vacation. Soon I will be traveling to join them.
To avoid mobs of reporters and well-wishers, it must remain an undisclosed location. But I assure you we are not leaving through Syria and the final destination is not the French Riviera.
Thank you and good day,
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
