Lack of Evidence Proves
Iraq is Hiding Evidence
Washington, DC | The failure of U.N. arms inspectors to find weapons of mass destruction "is evidence, in and of itself, of Iraq's violation" of U.N. resolution 1441, U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said today.
Rumsfeld went on to explain, "The more the inspectors continue to find nothing, the stronger our case against Saddam becomes. The lack of a smoking gun is the smokiest gun of all," he said, reminding that the United States is under no obligation to prove that Iraq has continued efforts to develop nuclear, chemical or biological weapons, or that Saddam Hussein has any connection with al-Q'aeda.
The Secretary then sang the classic George Gershwin song lyric: "I gots plenty o' nothin' and nothin's plenty fo' me."
Defense Department officials note that this has long been the basis of the Bush Administration's "preemptive use of force" policy. The U.S. will recommend that NATO reprogram AWACS aerial surveillance software to direct bombing runs toward areas of Iraq that are "flagrantly inconspicuous."
Department of Homeland Security Director Tom Ridge plans to incorporate this philosophy into domestic terrorism prevention. "I've instructed the various law enforcement entities to scrutinize anyone who's acting innocent," Ridge said. "It's been my experience that if someone's driving the speed limit, they probably have a trunk full of crack."
One Justice Department agent applauded Rumsfeld's remarks, saying, "That 'evidence' crap has always been a pain in the ass. I'm glad to see the Administration embrace a policy that finally removes this obstacle."
