CALIFORNIA GUBERNATORIAL DEBATES
Part One: Silicon vs Steroids
In our continuing mission to promote voter awareness, a series of public debates have been arranged between candidates for the office of Governor of California. Questions are submitted by our membership, and the participants have three minutes to respond to each question.
Below are excerpts from the first debate of this series, which took place yesterday between front-runners Angelyne and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
It has been theorized that someone could win this election with as little as 12% of the vote. Will your campaign avoid any serious discussion of the issues as long as possible, relying mostly on name recognition and trite slogans?
FULL TRANSCRIPT | STREAMING AUDIO | STREAMING VIDEO
Angelyne: [long silence] "Look at my breasts."
Schwarzenegger: [unintelligible] "Hasta la vista baby." [unintelligible] "I'll be back."
California, the world's fifth-largest economy, is facing catastrophic deficits, a lingering energy crisis, water shortages, environmental concerns, unemployment, a depressed high-tech industry, and now rising interest rates threaten any foreseeable recovery. These are complex problems requiring real solutions. Should your candidacy be regarded as anything more than frivolous self-promotion?
Angelyne: [long silence] "My doggie is pink too."
Schwarzenegger: [unintelligible] "Remember when I said I would kill you last? I lied."
Considering your complete lack of practical experience, isn't it there a danger your administration would be dependent on a handful of advisors controlled by special interests?
Angelyne: [long silence] "Boobies!"
Schwarzenegger: [unintelligible] "Come with me if you want to live."
How do you respond to criticisms that you're an egomaniac with too much money and too little substance, and that your reckless ambition and delusions of grandeur have turned this election into a tragic joke?
Angelyne: [long silence] "Coo!"
Schwarzenegger: [unintelligible] "Go ahead make my day." [unintelligible] "The truth? You can't handle the truth." [unintelligible] "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."
[Upcoming debates include: Larry Flynt vs Gary Coleman, Gallagher vs a bowl of grapes, and the San Diego Chicken vs the dog that plays Eddie on Frasier. See the "Events" section for scheduled times and locations.]
This article is satire from The Specious Report.
This is a parody and not affiliated in any way with The League of Women Voters.