American troops have freed the Iraqis and will be coming home soon. They're tired and need a nice hot shower. For the love of God, let them relax a little before the next war.
Ten Ways You Can Support Our Troops
Don't Criticize War. Anyone who speaks out against war is putting our troops at risk. There might have been a time and place for dissenting viewpoints, but those days are long gone. Don't worry about how much the rest of the world hates the United States. We're a super power and we can do whatever the hell we want.
Don't Criticize the President. Anyone who criticizes the President is against the troops. It is NEVER right to criticize a President (except for Bill Clinton who is a lying rapist and a murdering pothead).
Don't Criticize the President's Advisors. No one knows how to be more patriotic than former oil executives and arms dealers. So keep your uninformed opinions to yourself.
Where's Your Flag? Anyone who doesn't have an American Flag on their house, their car, and/or their lapel should be looked upon with suspicion and disdain. It's probably some kind of anti-American protest. Look for an opportunity to say or do something that will make them feel uncomfortable and conspicuous.
Don't Look Back. Don't insult America by dredging up ancient history. "Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein would have been nothing without the complicit help and support of the United States blah blah blah blah." Nobody gives a rat's ass.
Boycott. Hollywood is full of pampered brats. Instead of spending your hard earned dollars on a movie, donate it to the conservative cause of your choice. Our President deserves to be surrounded by people who won't question his policies. And the Media is run by a bunch of liberal subversives. You should only watch television for sports. If you want real American news, get it from talk radio. Boycott all companies that underwrite PBS.
Go Shopping. Don't worry about the economy - it will take care of itself. Rich people just need a little more money and they will fix everything by their vision and generosity. If they weren't better than you, they wouldn't be rich in the first place.
Buy the Biggest SUV You Can Find. Anyone who drives a "fuel efficient" car is a sissy. And if foreigners think Americans are sissies, it puts our troops at risk. Liberating Iraqi oil was an expensive project, so don't insult them by not using it. (Hey, remember that house that wasn't flying the American flag? Drive over and do donuts in the front yard. I bet they drive a sissy car.)
The Rest of You, Take Notice. All you Blacks and Mexicans, just be grateful the Arab minority is taking the heat now. If you really want to do something constructive, become a Republican. Otherwise, keep quiet. You're probably reading this on a stolen computer anyway.
Love It or Leave It. It's time to pour all you defeatist liberals a great big steaming cup of "I told you so." If you don't like the way things are in the United States, cart your whiney ass some place else. We hear they're taking applications for human shields in Syria.
