"The Man" Shrugs Off
Talk of Retirement
New York City, NY | During a dramatic video press conference today, "The Man" dismissed any suggestion that it may be time for him to resign, insisting "If I ever do leave, it won't be vertically."
Speaking from an undisclosed location, "The Man" shrugged off rumors of ill health and diminished mental capacity. "I'm as active now as when I was 20," he proclaimed. "And if anyone says otherwise, I'll kick his ass."
While his exact age is a topic of dispute, it is estimated at somewhere between 50 and 200. Yet he continues to defy calls to retire, spend more time with his family, and perhaps go fishing.
Never one to seek public scrutiny, "The Man" has been able to lead a somewhat reclusive existence, except for one period during the 1960's and 1970's. Frequently associated with "The Good Ole Boys" and "The Establishment," he was often a target of ridicule and disdain.
This rare interview was held to refute speculation that he has become obsolete, a charge which he categorically denies. "They say I'm not The Man that I once was. They say I'm irrelevant. Well, I don't know who the hell 'They' are, but 'They' are mistaken."
