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Bush Confers with Osbourne: How to Cope with Being a Likeable Moron
Washington, DC | The massive A-list crowd attending the annual White House Correspondents dinner in Washington didn't prevent the President of the United States from having a few intimate moments with the Godfather of Satanic Rock.
The meeting between kindred spirits George Bush and Ozzy Osbourne was more like a family reunion than a media event, despite the crush of reporters and photographers. Their rapport was instantly evident.
"I looked in them eyes, and I saw his soul," the President was heard to remark. "Like staring into a f*cking mirror."
Even master of ceremonies Drew Carey couldn't help but notice the similarities, commenting "They're both recovering drug addicts, and neither can talk in complete sentences."
The meeting had been a hot topic of debate for weeks. Many wondered how Osbourne, best known for demonic imagery and biting off the heads of various winged creatures, might be received by the staunchly conservative Bush.
Of particular concern was Osbourne's arrest in 1982 for urinating on the Alamo in Bush's home State of Texas. Many insiders worried it could blemish this rare trip to Washington by the President from his family ranch in Crawford.
But apparently, a few past transgressions were of little concern to the President, who seemed much more interested in the fact that MTV would be advancing $20 million for two more seasons of the popular "The Osbournes" television series.
"That's a sh*t load of money!" explained the President, whose most recent energies have been dedicated to raising capital before new campaign finance laws go into effect. "You gotta respect any g*ddam motherf*cker who rakes in that much f*ckin' cash."
The two media heavyweights did manage to elude the spotlight long enough to conference in a more private area of the hall. This meeting of the minds ended with a brotherly kiss.
Afterwards, Bush confided to Mary Matalin-Carville, "I'd French kiss Charles f*ckin' Manson if I thought it might get me a couple of f*ckin' bucks."
Osbourne later expressed how grateful he was to be welcomed into the White House, although the event actually took place in a ballroom at the Washington Hilton. Ozzy's wife and handler Sharon said she was "just glad Oz didn't bite or piss on anyone."
White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer expressed similar relief about the President's behavior.
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