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Researchers Conquer Annoying 'Asparagus Pee' Odor

Takoma, WA  |  The same research team whose data suggested duct tape cures warts and WD-40 cures genital herpes, has announced a simple cure for the affect eating asparagus has on the aroma of most people's urine.

The orally ingested compound, to be marketed under the brand name "AsparaGum," will be available to the public as soon as FDA approval is circumvented.

Team leader Chuck Upton, a freshman at Madagain Jr. Academy, explained how close-quarters dormitory living necessitated development of a remedy. "The cafeteria always serves asparagus on Fridays. It's real popular with the guys on my floor. So every weekend, the bathrooms would reek - like someone nuked a skunk. It was a real bummer."

Upton says AsparaGum will also be produced in suppository form eventually. "Most of the frat houses serve lots of asparagus too. And everyone knows how much they like to put stuff up each other's butts."

All original content on The Specious Report © Dale McFarland  Political Satire  Redistribution limited to excerpts for non-commercial use only.