October 17, 2001

Capitol Hill Interns Test Positive for Vaginal Anthrax

[Atlanta] -- The Center for Disease Control announced this morning that approximately 90% of female interns in the U.S. House and Senate have tested positive for a heretofore unknown strain of vaginal anthrax.
    The halls of Congress emptied as, upon hearing this report, both Houses headed to the bathroom to brush their teeth.
    Finding himself the only member left in attendance, Massachusetts Representative Barney Frank took the podium and performed a two-hour Village People medley, during which C-SPAN reported its highest ratings ever.
    Vice President Dick Cheney remains secluded at an undisclosed bathroom.