Bin Laden Boasts Flying Carpet,
Magic Lantern Technology
Southern Afghanistan | In a letter to his followers, terrorist Osama bin Laden called upon Arabs throughout the world to "bring the ancient powers to bear upon the American infidels wherever they may be."
In the letter, he claimed to possess a magic lantern and have access to at least three flying carpets.
U.S. military authorities were hesitant to dismiss bin Laden's claims after this week's convincing demonstration of "time travel" abilities, during which he transported himself and most of the Taliban government back to an era in which human beings lived in caves.
Using phrases such as "alakazam" and "open sesame," bin Laden made clear the details of his master plan: "When the genie tells me I have three wishes, I shall use two and then wish for three more wishes, and so on, and so on."
Although Bin Laden did not reveal what the first two wishes might be, military planners are fairly certain that they know.
A source at the Pentagon said, "Most reports confirm that he's on dialysis, and that he has an extremely tiny penis. So we're betting he wishes for a new liver and a dick."
