October 17, 2001

Bush Pledges to Flush Out
Osama Glen Livet & The Evil Dewars

[Washington, D.C.] -- A disoriented President Bush today told reporters he had instructed the FBI to raid liquor stores across the Nation in an effort to "purge our country of Osama Glen Livet and the evil Dewar's."
    Bush went on to say he had appointed daughters Barbara and Jenna to head a blue ribbon panel investigating bars and restaurants in Austin. The President also offered his expertise in helping to identify any unusual white powder.
    White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer was not available for official comment but, off the record, said the President was "just having another one of his spells."