Metal Band "Anthrax" Changes Name
to "Permanent Ear Damage"
Los Angeles, CA | Fearing recent bio-terror incidents might have a negative effect on sales, Mercury Records has forced thrash metal rockers, Anthrax, to changed their name. This will be reflected on all future CDs, as well as re-issues of old titles.
The retooling was not totally unexpected, since the retail market has been scrambling to change product names which bear any slight similarity to the word.
Ajax detergent was recently renamed "Non-Lethal Soap Powder" and ExLax will now be called "Pooper Helper". AmTrak is considering changing its name to "U.S. Choo-Choo".
In addition, the National Linguistics Council has made several strong recommendations: Flapjacks should only be referred to as "pancakes", haystacks will be called "straw piles", in football, half-backs will now be identified as "big dumb guys", thumb tacks will be known as "pointy-pushy things" and aphrodisiacs will be called "fuck me now."
