MicroSoft Buys A, E, I, O and U;
Sometimes Y and W
Redmond, WA | In an apparent response to the luke-warm reception for MicroSoft's new Windows XP operating system for PCs, Bill Gates stunned the business community with a leveraged buyout of all vowels in the English language.
In a video-taped statement, Gates explained the move as a "natural marriage of old and new technologies which will enhance MicroSoft's position in the marketplace," adding, "This will be good for the tech sector and good for America's economy as a whole."
Components of the Internet Explorer browser will monitor all web pages, email and chat rooms, and keep track of vowel usage by businesses and individuals.
A monthly reactivation fee will be charged for each user to continue entering those letters online. As future "vowel-recognition" software is introduced, additional surcharges will be incurred for television, radio, movies, CDs and telecommunication.
The U.S. Department of Justice, in a statement appearing on their .gov web site, said it was looking into the legality of Gates' actions and warned, "Th ffct ths wll hv n th fr mrkt s qstnbl. F nvstgtn shws tht ny nt-trst lws hv bn vltd, w wll ltgt th mttr n Fdrl Crt."
