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Six Easy Ways to Get Better Gas Mileage  As the peak summer travel season approaches, here are a few simple suggestions to improve your fuel economy and give those Arab oil sheiks a swift kick in the pants.

Happy Independence Day  This inspirational poem may be a bit sentimental, but we think it's worth reprinting on our Nation's birthday.

Fire Plug Surfing Takes Off in Suburbia  "Fplurfing" skyrockets to popularity in land-locked suburban communities throughout the country.

NASCAR Hosts Pre-Race Poetry Workshops  Many NASCAR enthusiasts are arriving early at the race track to prime their ears with verse.

Dogs Playing Poker v2.0  With appologies to C. M. Coolidge.

What You'll Do for Valentine's Day  Millions of people around the world observe Valentine's Day each year on February 14th.

Pet Shelters Swamped with Unwanted Chias  Budget-strapped animal shelters nationwide are being overwhelmed with requests to take in Chia Pets which are "no longer cute."

Sweet, Delicious Corn Wins Both Iowa Caucuses  In a major upset, participants in both the Democratic and Republican primaries have delivered an unexpected victory to write-in candidate, Corn.

Twas the Night before Christmas  "Someone's not going to have a very merry Christmas this year..."

What's Really in Your Halloween Candy?  The annual Trick or Treat tradition has been dampened by tales of twisted psychopaths doling out poisoned candy and razor-blade-filled apples to unsuspecting cherubs.

Navy Seals Storm Jersey Shore Compound in Italy  Details of the assault are still sketchy, but all eight targets were described as intoxicated and belligerent.

Bin Laden's Body Rejected by Irate Ocean  Two-thirds of the earth's surface has condemned a U.S. decision to have Osama bin Laden's body buried at sea.

Pop-Up Windows Inventor Won't Stay Buried  Undertakers are puzzled and irritated by a coffin that refuses to stay underground.

Air Guitar Collection a Total Lost in Garage Fire  "Most of those guitars are irreplaceable. A lot of wonderful memories went up in smoke that night."

What's the Deal with All These British Assholes?  Somewhere between Basil Fawlty and Mr. Bean, things got nasty.

Monkey Flings Poo by Thinking  Results have raised hopes that humans might one day be able to control complex devices with their minds.

Beatnik 'Lost Tribe' Discovered Living Under New York  Maintenance crews tunneling deep beneath Greenwich Village have unearthed a civilization believed by most historians to be long vanished.

Stupid Warning Labels  A testimony to how stupid we are - or how stupid they think we are.

Youngster Amazed to Receive Post Card  "It was kinda like some kinda email. But this guy in a uniform brought it right up to the front door!"

Minolta Introduces Butt-Friendly Copier  Copier designed specifically to accommodate people wanting to xerox their buttocks.

Researchers Conquer Annoying 'Asparagus Pee' Odor  Orally ingested compound to be marketed under the brand name "AsparaGum".

Bush Places Sixth Among All U.S. Presidents  George W. Bush is among the "top ten" American Presidents on a prestigious list published annually by The National Institute for Alphabetization

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All original content on The Specious Report © Dale McFarland  Political Satire  Redistribution limited to excerpts for non-commercial use only.



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